“BEING” Positive

Dedicated to all who’ve cared, be it once or 10 times. Awareness + Actions = Life

Great, and ‘super cool’ to talk about easy, ‘positive’ and ‘upbuilding’, fun stuff. However, they DO NOT get down and dirty enough and help tangibly save lives. Or replace love in acion with work boots on, when someone really needs help (be it periodically or once).

Since no one can ‘earn’ grace by ‘conclusions, being spiritual enough, talking or thinking ‘smarter’ or amazingly positive talks’…  So, Happy DOING to us all.! We ALL need help, and cancer just intensifies it 100 fold. Do not have cancer? May your knees crush a bit from praying and for God’s sake help. Have had it and have either a home, car, husband, parents, money, &/or kids. Or never ever felt sick, invisible, hopeless or scared…  I am truly glad and happy for you. Have been through what I’ve going through and could do better? Doubt it. Still wish you the best. Thank the heavens many of us and I, are thankfully closer to Him, loved & focused than ever. And rich in what matters most: His love, supernatural protection and strengthened in clarity, with joy in our hearts and inner peace. Wishihng you, without the cruel cancer academy awareness, the same.

Best ‘talk’ of all… Is to Do.

Since no one can ‘earn’ grace…The “crazy, weak, unfaithful, negative, ‘annoying or problem magnet”.. Might just be one of us one day. Praise be to God! Pray, talk and then Help…



Welcome to Lepers’ Island

death to hell

I remember this day. It was taken right after I scream to the top of my lungs (to no ones ear’s distance since I battled the cancer treatments cruel side effects, for over a year, nightly by myself) and told cancer and death, to @#%&-! GO TO HELL!!! Yes prayers and positivity are part of it. But to (and if by chance and not neccessarily ‘earned’) be fortunate enough to be ‘kept around’, IT IS about FIGHTING to the death. Don’t be scared… You could touch us, keep company and visit our ‘lepers’ islands every so often and/or even stay for a while and help. Ox plus hugs and guts, Ellie. > My testimony & photos – Hope it helps someone’s passing easier if need be, bring ‘uncomfortable but neccessary awareness’ &/or if fortunate to survive, create better quality of life.  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=411805062224434&set=a.375089665895974.88303.100001848304303&type=3&theater

Thanking God, love and life… I have a few in my world that would for sure, slap anybody who would hurt me &/or take a bullet for me… I love you. Thank you. All of the previous or ever courageously said; By no means minimize how ridiculously supported and loved by many I have been. As I always mention, it is the main, reason after God I’m somehow miraculously still around. However, when the crowds, lights, momentum, conveniences or comfort, etc.. are gone. Many of us literally fall through the cracks and ‘die’ because of it. Thing is, everyone ‘feels’ this unfair tragedy deep down inside, know is true and feel bad about it. But days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and even into years and many keep being ‘pushed’ to the back burner or that six feet under, cold and dark hole. I am truly sick and tired ( maybe why so many again get sick and die..) of the worse gift given. – Judgments &/or Heartless lack of acknowledgement. To know someone is fighting for their life, cold, hungry &/or scared to walk this plank /die alone. And only talk or see a couple times a year, if ever, and conveniently ‘forget’ or ‘conclude’ it is better on everybody if I don’t reach out or get involved.. Or my favorite: She/He has pushed people away, you don’t know how ‘problematic’, dramatic or ‘negative’ he or she really is. Or: If anybody could do this, is she/him..They will be fine… Or ultimate: They never answer the phone (as if one needs a phone to actually knock on a door till it opens, love in action, contribute or encourage, send good will prayers and thoughts or cook, clean, open a wallet to give or give a ride. “Oh I’m sure they’ll keep ‘choosing’ others and sure, someone else can and it’s taking care of them!! No, no. We are mostly drowning and trashing about, reaching for anything or anyone that could give us even if seldom strength and’rest’. Where does all the/your/their ‘law of attraction’, insinuations of lack of reliance on God, fit in. Like I’ve said: Very convenient and being part of ‘killing by dismissal’ of millions of lives. I’m truly still in amazement, part of this ‘breathing land’ and alive. When I tell you I should be dead, it is not an exaggeration, need for attention, a guilt trip or lie. Sad how many continue to ‘label’ instead of help. And for the ones that were there, truly there for me that 1 year and 4 I live by myself.. With only a mattress on the floor, unable to drive, literally starving and dying by myself with not one ( for whatever their reasons) of my family of closest friends of 10+ years stay overnight with me… Makes us wonder, if anyone will even notice when/if  we just let the seduction and quietness of death, take us away. You 7 (T,N,E,O,E,K,C) that were there, at least coming to see me every other week once you came and found out my total despair and abandoned condition I was ‘living’ in; You know who you are. You feed, clothed me, held my hand in non-judgement and dried my tears or cried for me, when I became catatonic and the tears and reaching out voice, ceased. You convinced me to keep fighting since you needed me, could not imagine how hard it was, even while watching me and accompanying me go through it. Kept asking me, and most importantly showing, you really wanted and needed for me to stay. You see me, when all I see staring back on my reflection is a shell, emptiness, heavy dark saturation and merciless death. You keep convincing me I do not deserve this, I am still here and not invisible, an inconvenience, alone or unloved. Thank you for attempting to feel my pain; Our shared victories and discomfort, and for literally at times, shaking and begging me to live. Our almighty God has a special place for you! And for any and all who have been there for me.. Be it once or 10 times.

May Him and life have mercy, on us all… So, we beg you; Take time out of your comfort, fears, ‘discomfort’ and/or schedule, to ‘see’ us. Show us we don’t deserve to die or go through this; Alone. Speak, hug, pray and abandon yourself in patience, selfless sacrifice & kindness – After all; It is all ultimately a reflection of self”. – by Elizabeth Barrera

Your grain of sand in form of prayers, connections &/or support with work boots on… It’s literally blessing my presence and those I am blessed to bless. Thank you! Might just end up sitting in front of the right set of eyes.
> Elizabeth Barrera > http://www.gofundme.com/50n1l0 P.O.Box 720921 Orlando, FL 32872 / Chase Bank #4400746991 or at paypal with: blessedellie@gmail.comhttps://cancerspartan.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/dazed-and-displaced-thanks-for-my-home/ <<<

https://cancerspartan.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/dazed-and-displaced-thanks-for-my-home/ To have peace & health, is to have it all. Thankful for 1 more day!

What ‘Weak’ Ones Need


Cousins Onix & Elizabeth’s wedding. Warmed by her love, in my black wig 😉

Everyday is a new start. And if you have been there for me, be it once or a hundred times.. Thank you! Your life-giving thoughts, words and ‘walks’ w/ me, in this death valley called cancer; it is by love and God, I am a walking miracle and still around :’) Maybe one of the reasons is for this right here. To walk w/ peace in one hand and courage on the other, and as a warrior fight for myself and those who can’t. Heaven only knows… Many in various situations, did not ask for it, paying for a karma or receiving a message of lessons in need to be deciphered or learned. And even though in this life everything is going somewhere sometime, and there is plenty to learn, give and receive.. At times; tragedies are had and we/they &/or you, truly need help. I was usually helping others most of my life and still do as best as can. And barely if ever, have asked for anything from family or close ones. And since being diagnosed in 2010, blessings have out poured in such grand style, my heart and tears overflow and many’s love, continue to amaze. But many a times, especially without the glamour, momentum, emergency or life’s and hospital ‘lights’… My pleads and that of other’s ‘dying’, have only resulted in echoes, mockery, deaf ears, judgement,  lectures and  ‘curses’. So, here I am asking a question in honor of many & my self: Are you with me or against?

If not; Please move on with your ‘dark thoughts’, and pray you speedily get saturated by God’s angels and light. Until then, do not worry about a thing, no need for you to come back. If you are for me/and us… NOW is the time to show it. Please. Not just w/ prayers, pink ribbons, message, likes or walks.. ( YES we do appreciate it all), or separating an afternoon for a ‘memory’ service wearing forced smiles or sad tears stain w/ relief or guilt. We are here now! Again apologize if any not ‘getting it’ or offended. And ONLY need one thing for you. Please help us when desperately and loudly or shyly ask (with frustration, embarrassment and the fear to be rejected or ‘forgotten’ one more time), and tell us you are proud of us. To keep fighting, and above all; Tell us and show us you truly want us to LIVE! That’s it. Promise. ‘Caring’ without acknowledgement or works; Is not love. And kills unnecessarily, millions a day. So, in advance I thank you, if you along w/ God, are one of the ones helping me to stay alive =) *Feel free to copy/paste &/or please SHARE, to save even if one life. Or for any of your own or other’s needs. So easy to put down, question, ridicule, dismiss, put aside (or worse), throw under the bus or kick while down… The disabled, homeless, elderly, prisoners, terminally/chronically ill, depressed, barely keeping head above water, unemployed or anyone else who is seemed as: Too loud, too weird, no longer needed, dramatic, lazy, an annoyance to many or load… What if all of the sudden, that ‘weird, “weak’, negative, clingy, or as many darting, with not enough faith, courage or hope’. What if that ‘crazy’, ‘needy’ and lazy person, was all of the sudden… YOU?

Constantly pray for God’s kingdom to come. May He/life have mercy on us all. Thanks again.

Would you answer to the following candid request, then forward it and if your heart strings move you… Donate >> http://www.gofundme.com/50n1l0

Ox and God bless, Ellie B

Inconveniences of Being Spartan


Dedicated to all cancer survivors, the elderly, handicapped, homeless, abused and/or countless forgotten and misunderstood souls. And to any and all who are down in the trenches with, got their backs and suffer along with them…

My photos and testimony – Hope it helps many &/or someone: https://www.facebook.com/blessed.ellie/media_set?set=a.375089665895974.88303.100001848304303&type=3

Imagine a drop of ink in a glass of clear water; It takes over and completely saturates. Unexpected attacks as cancer, expire with no area uncovered; And no one has control or say over it. Especially those who think they do (or as many of you/us thought we did). All the “advice” to:  ‘be more’ ‘willing’, ‘positive’, ‘Godly’, ‘happy’, ‘strong’, not loose ‘hope’ (as if we’re already not). Or behave up to par, overnight become not human and a ‘saint’, as we grin and bear daily, staying quiet according to other’s moods and comfort. All that without showing any hint of ‘weakness’, ‘ingratitude’ or dare cry, whine or curse, as we take frontal attacks on non-ending bad days! Keep it simple, ‘small’ & ‘proper’ is the constant message… In other words, easier on most, if  just stop complaining and needing, and quietly slip away and die.

Hey! Don’t worry (well maybe enough to take action and help many who desperately are needing it and trashing about looking for a resting place). I’m cool and WANT to live, maybe even more than most! Think I’m ‘crazy’, this is an exaggeration and easily continue to be dismissed? Like I’ve said before, just thank God you are out of the arena and on the ‘living’ side!  Sharing these thoughts with the hope they can help save, even if one life. Swear, most ‘zombie’ movies are made about  the disabled, elderly, homeless, abused and chronically ill patients, with one foot leaning in death more than life. So no… Survivor is not a strong enough descriptive word. Spartans and gladiators (without the chance to ever escape the arena), is more like it! Millions are unable to hold on any longer, since it is easier to fight and die, than to stay. Could honestly tell you I didn’t have and idea or clue before being diagnosed! They are kings & queens, to walk this plank of death w/ such grace! No exaggeration, had maybe a 2 to 3% idea. On what this relentless monster, forced war zone & unending living hell this dimension called cancer was like. And this is all if by ‘chance’ one makes it and/or is fortunate enough to have the, I’ll take a bullet for you kind of support.

We so need God’s kingdom! Mercy on us all… So, take time out of your comfort, fears, ‘discomfort’ and schedule, and go ‘see’ them. Show us we don’t have to stay out in the cold and do this alone. Speak, hug, pray and abandon yourself in patience, selfless sacrifice, kindness and love – After all; It is all ultimately a reflection of ourselves.

Go hug and help a Spartan today! :’) Ox, Ellie Barrera